once again.. I am a food addict. out of control.. forever

Its been a while since I have posted here.. I have a serious food addiction. i hate this cycle of over eating, telling myself I wont do it again, finding my self doing it again...feeling so ashamed, wondering why I cant stop, I know what I need to do to change my weight ... I just cant get there. i feel alone and very lost. I got in a bath tub today.. usually shower. When I looked down at the squishy, ewww, that should be my belly area I wanted to cry. I there, in the tub told myself today would be different.. I would try, and when i wanted to gorge myself i would remember how much I hate that squishy large belly area..... I did it anyway, i came to work and got 3 large hand fulls of assorted candy and rapidly consumed it all, the whole time telling myself to stop... I just don't get it.